did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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