Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
