Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
