I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
