I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
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