Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
