I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
