The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
