grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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