I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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