Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
