I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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