Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
they're like a gay fantastic four
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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