Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
