Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
