Girls should come with a carfax report
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
