Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
