Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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