i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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