There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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