Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
