I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
