normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
