You smell like a Billy Joel song
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Randomize
