There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Go christen that room with your naked body.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
