im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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