ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
