this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
