We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
