God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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