the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
