Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
