It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
