chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I look better un-naked...
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
