Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
