did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
