weddingsv make me drug and hornr
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
