He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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