I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
