I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
