I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Fuck me I smell like cheese
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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