Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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