Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
