Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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