Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
i've created a new STD.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
