I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
