JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
