i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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