I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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