is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
this beer tastes like vomit already
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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